In My Own Damn Time

 I am in outer space for all I can tell

the open-mouthed laughter, outright stares, and oral jousts fill me 

with dread

my chest tightens

Oh, no Oh - no

I'm ...

Holding my breath... sharp intake of Elementary School, Middle School, High School air

Lean back, close your eyes, and breathe

More snickers, more mocking

In my own universe

Where I am normal

and they are weird

I stare first, I glare first

ignorance is only blissful in real time

Pangs of angst of ugly-crying, mascara-running, scream from the soul anger

lightening bolts of cold steel fear

Drop to your knees and beg, repeat "No" over and over

that is how I feel every day

The inner torment and the outer

they know I am an easy target

Though I wear barbs and spikes to the breakfast table

They scan and narrow in, they prey, as I pray for a day without ugly people and their ugly words

I walk with skull crushing steps

I tear off heads and eat them with crimson rivers flowing down my chin

and they still stand with their backs to me and bitch

"Excuse me, I say" YOU'RE A DISRUPTION they say

YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE

YOU AND YOUR DOGS ARE NOT WELCOME

YOU AND YOUR FACE ARE NOT WELCOME

YOU AND YOUR BODY ARE NOT WELCOME

YOU ARE AN ALIEN

To them I am, foreign and strange

Different and scary 

I laugh too loud

I take up too much space

Well, guess the fuck what, my dearest little friends

I will take up time, too. I will walk and work and sing and pray and I'll take up your time if I need to

I won't bite

But sure n I bite back.